New York (Reuters) – Recollections of strict, unaffectionate parents were more common among young adults with an unhealthy attachment to Internet use, compared to their peers, in a new Greek study.

Young adults who recall their parents being tough or demanding without showing affection tend to be sad or to have trouble making friends, and those personality traits raise their risk of Internet addiction, the researchers say.

“In short, good parenting, including parental warmth and affection, that is caring and protective parents, has been associated with lower risk for Internet addiction,” said lead author Argyroula E. Kalaitzaki of the Technological Education Institute (TEI) of Crete in Heraklion, “whereas bad parenting, including parental control and intrusion, that is authoritarian and neglectful parents, has been associated with higher risk for addiction.”

Research on Internet addiction is still relatively new, and there are no actual criteria for diagnosing the disorder, though there are many inpatient and outpatient treatment facilities in the U.S., Australia and Asia.

Some of the studies done to date suggest that kids who have trouble relating to others in person might be at higher risk for a problematically high level of Internet use. Those who are socially withdrawn or lonely might also be more likely to spend excessive time online.

Kalaitzaki’s team predicted that the way kids bonded with their parents would predict aspects of their personality as young adults, which in turn would predict their likelihood of Internet addiction.

For the study, more than 700 young adults at technical schools, all around age 20, filled out questionnaires during class time. They answered questions about their feelings of loneliness, sadness and anxiety, and about their Internet use. They also answered questions about how they recalled being brought up during their first 16 years of life.

In Greece, previous studies have found that between 1 percent and 8 percent of teens are addicted to the Internet. The current study classified almost 2 percent of the men and 0.6 percent of the women as severely addicted, according to the results published in Addictive Behaviors. The authors did not find a link between anxiety or loneliness and Internet addiction, nor could they directly link any particular parenting style with addiction. But Kalaitzaki and her colleagues did find indirect connections. The kids who remembered their fathers as controlling and not affectionate tended to have more trouble relating to others as young adults, and those who had trouble relating to others were more likely to be addicted.

Those who remembered their mothers as just not being very good parents were more likely to report sadness as young adults, which was also linked to Internet addiction.

“Parents should be made aware of the harmful impact that a potential negative parental rearing style may have upon their children in later life,” Kalaitzaki told Reuters Health.

Kalaitzaki studies interpersonal relationships and psychotherapy in the Department of Social Work at TEI. Other international studies suggest that Internet addiction may harm a person’s mental and physical health, she said. Those who go online excessively tend to be distressed, tense, nervous and irritable, and to have trouble sleeping and fatigue.

“This discussion is of large interest for the technological society at large, given that Internet addiction is related to a medium present in virtually all homes and not regulated, like drugs of abuse,” George Floros, who studies the emerging addiction at Aristotle University of Thessaloniki in Greece, told Reuters Health.

“Parents would do well to examine the kind of model they present,” said Floros, an adjunct professor of medicine. “Being preoccupied with technology to the detriment of social contacts is something we are seeing more frequently in young parents and this offers a negative model for their children.”

Problematic parenting can go one of two ways, both of which might up the risk of Internet addiction in theory, he said. Overly permissive parents might use the Internet early on as a way to give up responsibility for the kids – an unattended child in front of a computer requires less effort from the parents than an active, present child. On the other hand, overly controlling parents can end up with kids who rebel or turn inwards, which might also lead to excessive Internet use, he said.

“Parents that identify their children to have some symptoms of addiction, like excessive time spent online or need to spend increasingly longer periods online, inadequate sleep and fatigue, apathy, nervousness, or irritability when offline, impairments in relationships and schoolwork or employment, should contact a health care professional as soon as possible,” Kalaitzaki said.

BY KATHRYN DOYLE

Two friends in New York who have known each other for over a decade have been attempting to become parents together. The friends are not in a romantic relationship, nor do they live together. Their ideal situation was to be in a committed parenting partnership. After attempts at pregnancy, the friends were unsuccessful in getting pregnant, and decided to adopt. After a long process of waiting, one of them was granted a child from Ethiopia. Since the friends were not a couple or living together, only one parent was able to legally adopt the child. This is where it gets interesting.

When they returned to the U.S., the pair petitioned Manhattan Surrogate’s Court to have LEL named as a second legal parent, even though they don’t live together and are not romantically involved.

In a landmark ruling, Judge Rita Mella did so. (For the privacy of all involved, names were shortened or changed)

“From the moment they met G,, more than two years ago now, KAL and LEL have functioned as her parents,” the judge wrote in a decision from last month.

“G. calls KAL ‘Mommy’ and LEL ‘Daddy,’” and “although they live in separate households,” they “have created a nurturing family environment for G., including a well-thought-out, discussed and fluid method of sharing parenting responsibilities between their homes.”

Mella agreed, and used a 2010 state statute allowing “intimate partners” to adopt as a basis for allowing the couple’s the adoption to proceed, noting that the phrase can mean a close, long-term relationship.

She also cited the findings of the social worker who observed the family in action, and determined that “even though their relationship is not based on what many consider a traditional family, they exhibit a love and respect for one another and clearly cherish the family they have created.”

We all know that a family can come in many different forms. There is no true singular definition for what “family” means, and as our world is changing and embracing differences, it’s great to read stories of modern families. In a recent interview with CNN, Dan Bucatinsky, the 47-year old actor, producer and author, who most recently won an Emmy for a guest role on ABC’s “Scandal,” the actor opens up about finding his “inner mommy” when it comes to raising his two young children.

Bucatinsky, who plays a gay dad on TV, is also a gay dad in real life. Together with his husband, Don Roos, the pair are fathers to Eliza and Jonah. Within the interview, Bucatinsky opens up about how the definition of “family” is evolving. He also wrote a book on the road to becoming a family in his memoir, “Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad.”

CNN is even reaching out to same-sex parents in hopes to highlight creative ways in which they address their parenting roles. A portion of the interview is below. For the full interview, click here.

CNN: When you were growing up and coming to terms with being gay, did it ever cross your mind that you might someday be a father?

Dan Bucatinsky: It wasn’t something that I dared to aspire to. I lived a lot of years in denial. I spent a lot of my teen years promising myself that if it turned out to be true, that I would kill myself. I’m really glad that I didn’t fulfill that promise.

Even early in my 20s when I came out of the closet, I wasn’t really thinking about marriage. I focused on my career, and I didn’t have a clear picture of my future as being in a relationship, having kids and having a domestic life. By 27, I was settling down, and it became clearer to me that it was something I was subconsciously craving.

I was so envious of the gay men I’d meet who wore wedding rings. I remember feeling some kind of pang in my mid-to-late 20s. Maybe it was too painful to really picture. I felt like it wasn’t in my cards. I met Don when I was 27, and we didn’t have kids until I was 40. For 12 years we talked about it, but not seriously, until the last five years. I didn’t believe it was possible, so now, when I think about it, it’s just surreal.

CNN: When you talk to young, gay men about parenthood now, do their expectations differ from that?

Bucatinsky: It’s amazing how different it is now to talk to someone who is exactly my age when I met Don — a 27-year-old out, gay man (who has probably been out since he was 15). It’s a foregone conclusion that if they want it, marriage and kids could be in their future. Parents used to say, “I love you just the same that you’re gay, but it’s such a sad, lonely life,” but that can’t be said anymore.

CNN: When parenthood was finally happening for you and your husband, did you worry about not having a blueprint for it?

Bucatinsky: While we were expecting Eliza, I was in such shock and denial that it was really happening. It didn’t occur to me what would happen when we took that baby home. I didn’t really think it through. Nor did my spouse and I have long enough discussions about our parenting styles. We have subsequently discovered our differences, which hopefully leads to a little yin and yang with the kids.

There were parents that to me were just the ideal. Many of them were straight moms who have just been great, supporting, warm, funny and tough, at least in my perception of them. I’m sure they all had their own bouts of self-doubt. They became my role models, and I hoped I could be as good as them; their kids turned out so great.

CNN: Is motherhood necessarily tied to femininity?

Dan Bucatinsky: It’s not. What I discovered inside me that I didn’t realize was there, was mommyness. But by definition of the fact that I’m not a mommy, if I’m finding qualities that I’m describing as “mommyness” then why do I have to attach a gender to them? Why can’t we move to a time where “parent” is an umbrella term that encapsulates a lot of things: discipline, nurturing, sustenance, support and boundaries?

When you’re a gay dad, you get the question, “Which one of you is the mom?” I used to get offended by it, but now I just answer: I am. If you’re asking me in the way that I’m using the term “mom” loosely, then yes, I have fallen into those more mommyish kinds of roles. Don has fallen more into the daddyish roles, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t do bath time. But straight parents, too, any modern dad now is doing the same kinds of things. It doesn’t really have to do with gay or straight anymore.

New moms get asked all the time by their non-mom friends, “What’s it like to be a mom?” We have all asked our new parent friends! The curiosity of hearing what they have to say, is intriguing to most. But is the feeling of “being a mom” describable? That’ also tough to answer, as many moms will have many thing to say about raising a child, and the ups and downs that come with the responsibility of being a parent.

What we do know is that being a mom is hard. Obviously, right? We also know that being a mom is rewarding and forms a inexplicable bond between mother and child. We came across a beautiful post online from a mother who took the time to describe what it’s like to be a mom, in her own unique way.

Being a mom is holding your newborn in the dead of night as she cries and cries and cries and you cry and cry and cry because you’ve done everything that you know to do, and she is still wailing. You feel like you’ve failed her. You feel like she hates you. You feel frustrated and miserable and heartbroken, so you just hold onto her and cry together because if you don’t, you will sink. She is your anchor.

Being a mom is beautiful. It’s your daughter coming up to you while you sit on the couch, holding both hands out to you and saying with a smile, “Come on, Mama. Let’s dance.” You scoop that girl up and twirl her around your living room, warm summer air blowing through your open windows, blinds drawn back. You laugh and spin and don’t care who is watching because in that moment, no one else matters but that girl in your arms.

Click here to read the post in its entirety.

Helpusadopt.org was created by 2 adoptive parents in 2007. Becky and Kipp Fawcett were so grateful for the fact that they had the financial means to adopt their son Jake that they looked to make a donation to an existing organization that would help ease another family’s financial burden. However, what they found were organizations that discriminated against certain people and only covered certain types of adoptions. Armed with this knowledge and their belief in family undefined, they decided to create a grant organization that does not define family or adoption — Helpusadopt.org was born.

Helpusadopt.org is a national 501c3 financial grant program that helps couples/individuals (regardless of race, religion, gender, marital status and sexual orientation) with the costs of their adoptions (domestic, international, special needs or foster care) by awarding grants of up to $15,000. Every grant cycle (twice a year since 2007) has aimed and succeeded in having multiple LGBT grant recipients. Last year, they had their first transgendered applicant and recipient. The next application deadline is Friday, October 1th.

For more information visit: www.helpusadopt.org for our grant application and the guidelines or email kate.sessions@helpusadopt.org

Selected testimonials

Seth, Clayton, and Cici

“The grant we got from Helpusadopt.org really helped us to offset the cost of adopting our daughter, Cici, and meant that we could spend the last frenzied weeks focusing on building the relationship with her birthmother and getting prepared to become responsible for a third little life! She was literally the best Christmas present ever, and we can’t tell you how giddy we were. We have wanted to be parents since we first got together almost ten years ago. Having Cici in our lives these last 4 and a half months has been the most extraordinary experience we’ve ever had.”

Nathan, Wes, and Chasen

“We want to express our sincere gratitude and humble thanks for being both considered and chosen for an adoption grant. It has put a much needed gust of wind in our sails as we continue on this journey.”

Amy, Jami and Jazmyn

“Amy and I are having the best time being mommies! We just love Jazmyn more than anything, and are so grateful to Helpusadopt.org for helping to make our dreams come true. We tell everyone about you guys and what a great blessing you have been in our lives!”

A national study from the Center on Media and Human Development Northwestern University sheds light on the ways digital technologies have changed parenting practices in the United States. With so many new gadgets, some parents are using mobile phones and tablets in different ways. Sometimes, mobile devices are used for learning, to calm a child down or even as a reward. The days of playing music and dancing around the room, or using educational learning toys are long gone. Or are they?

The new study looks at the ways digital technologies have changed parenting practices. What part do interactive and mobile technologies play in 21st century parenting?

Alexis R. Lauricella, one of the study’s authors, wrote in a Joan Ganz Cooney Center blog post,:

In contrast to thepopular pressimage that mobile technology is the new pacifier used to calm and quiet down children, our survey shows that parents today have a range of tools at their disposal and other tools are used more often than mobile technologies.  Parents are more likely to use toys or activities (88%), books (79%), and TV (78%) when they need to keep children occupied than mobile media devices like smartphones or iPads (37% among those who have one).

A few other interesting findings:

• Sibling rivalry and parental bouts: 78% of parents “disagree with the statement ‘negotiating media use causes conflict in our home.’” And most spouses (83%) agree with each other around questions of parenting with media.
• The income gap:  65% of high-income households ($100,000+ per year) own tablets, only 19% of low-income (less than $25,000). Smartphones: 80% (high-income), 61% (low-income).
• There’s still a video game stigma: “more parents rate video games as having a negative effect on children’s reading, math, speaking skills, attention span, creativity, social skills, behavior, physical activity, and sleep than any other activity.”
• Weaning from the new coviewing: joint media engagement among parents and their children decreases substantially above the age of six.
• Like parent, like child: the amount of media consumed by the parents is directly correlative to the amount media consumed by the children. 23% of “media-centric parents,” (who spend 11 hours per day, on average, engaged with TV, computer, smartphones, and video games) use media as a way to connect with their children.

What methods do you use or plan to use with your children? Do you think the use of digital technologies within parenting is going to continue to evolve?

Adapted from Forbes.com

A new book by Hugh Weber is providing first time dads and dads-to-be with “real life perspective, encouragement and humor” as they embark on their new life. The book focuses on how the “dude” days are officially over and how fatherhood begins. The book, appropriately  titled, Dude to Dad tackles the initial fears and self-doubt that are often experienced by new dads. It provides real life perspective and encouragement with heavy doses of humor. There are many parenting, medical and advice books out there but this title offers something different for the everyday man. It’s really a resource that allows new dads to find the perfect balance between parenthood and their lives.

 

Dude to Dad lays out the secrets to parenting success, including the following instructions:

• Identify your allies
• Be aware of the curveball
• Know your limits
• Be fully present
• Raise a child of possibility

“This book is meant to help usher ordinary dudes into the next chapter of their lives, better able to talk the talk, walk the walk, and be the extraordinary dad they strive to be,” says author Hugh Weber.

Read more about DUDE TO DAD Offers Advice for Parenting – BWWBooksWorld by books.broadwayworld.com