Ready To Be A Parent?

So, you’ve decided to become a parent.  You’ve done your research, found a partner and are ready to move forward and prepare to receive a child into your life.  But underlying all the excitement and anticipation are those nagging thoughts:  “How am I going to manage?”  “Am I up for being a parent?” “Am I ready to make this commitment with another person?”  “Am I ready to make this commitment to a child?”

These are questions that every potential parent has considered at some point, and whether you’re creating a traditional or non-traditional family, are questions that can be answered with a resounding “Yes!” if you’re intentional and prepared.

The effort needed to become a parent along with the feelings of love, joy, and responsibility can be overwhelming for new moms and dads and having a good support system in place is vital.  When setting up your support system as co-parents, it is important to know how each of you will be involved and what you share in your conceptualization of parenting.

An important aspect of parenting is to know yourself, your expectations, your values and those of your co-parent.  Where are you on the same page and where are you going to find differences?

Children need clear and consistent messages in order to get a good understanding of their world and how to respond to it.  Those messages are different for every family depending on their history and culture.  It’s important to realize that even if you’re not going to be sharing physical space during the parenting process, you’re still creating a new family and if there are differences between parents they need to be discussed with the intent of determining how you will approach those differences in the best interest of your child.  Is religion an issue, ideas about education, involvement of extended family?  It’s OK to disagree as long as a plan is in place so you know what to expect from each other and your child knows what to expect from each parent.

Children can become very adept at understanding that there are different rules and expectations in different households as long as they feel safe and secure where they are.  As they get older they can understand that people have different views of the world and opinions about how things should be.  They learn to discriminate among those views and make choices for themselves as long as their thoughts and opinions are valued and discussed.  But when expectations are not clear it can be a recipe for disaster.

Talk with your co-parent about your dreams of the kind of person you hope to raise, the values you would like to instill in your child, and the priorities you’d like to set when it comes to investing your time, energy and resources throughout the parenting process.  Discuss where you differ, where you agree and where you can compromise.

Also remember, children need to identify and adapt to their own gifts and very often find themselves on a path much different than we had intended.  How can you, as co-parents, provide an atmosphere to foster their growth within your belief systems?

Make a commitment to respect each other, keep communication open, ask questions, and clarify what each of you are feeling as you share parenting responsibilities.  You’ve worked hard on your journey to become parents, continue working that hard and being that intentional throughout the parenting process and it will be very satisfying as you see your child grow, develop, and blossom because of all your efforts.

Rosemary Strembicki, LCSW is the Clinical Consultant for A Place To Turn To, a non-profit organization that offers many levels of support – an online video course, monthly articles, and parenting coaches so families can find the support that best fits their needs.  She is also co-author of The Courage to Parent: Finding Our Strength…Empowering Our Children a workbook that helps co-parents develop a personal parenting plan for their family.  www.aplacetoturnto.org