Two friends in New York who have known each other for over a decade have been attempting to become parents together. The friends are not in a romantic relationship, nor do they live together. Their ideal situation was to be in a committed parenting partnership. After attempts at pregnancy, the friends were unsuccessful in getting pregnant, and decided to adopt. After a long process of waiting, one of them was granted a child from Ethiopia. Since the friends were not a couple or living together, only one parent was able to legally adopt the child. This is where it gets interesting.

When they returned to the U.S., the pair petitioned Manhattan Surrogate’s Court to have LEL named as a second legal parent, even though they don’t live together and are not romantically involved.

In a landmark ruling, Judge Rita Mella did so. (For the privacy of all involved, names were shortened or changed)

“From the moment they met G,, more than two years ago now, KAL and LEL have functioned as her parents,” the judge wrote in a decision from last month.

“G. calls KAL ‘Mommy’ and LEL ‘Daddy,’” and “although they live in separate households,” they “have created a nurturing family environment for G., including a well-thought-out, discussed and fluid method of sharing parenting responsibilities between their homes.”

Mella agreed, and used a 2010 state statute allowing “intimate partners” to adopt as a basis for allowing the couple’s the adoption to proceed, noting that the phrase can mean a close, long-term relationship.

She also cited the findings of the social worker who observed the family in action, and determined that “even though their relationship is not based on what many consider a traditional family, they exhibit a love and respect for one another and clearly cherish the family they have created.”

It’s 2014 and new technology is only going to keep coming at us, at a rapid pace. It seems like every day there is a new gadget being introduced to the world. And the realm of parenting is no exception to the tech world. New devices and products are being aimed at parents, and parenting styles are changing and adapting to the ongoing tech trends. There are devices that allow parents to monitor breathing, skin temperature and even the body position of the child. There is even live streaming audio from baby monitors to mobile devices now. Parents using them are obviously wanting the best for their children, but is having an abundance of technology assisting you while raising a child helpful or harmful?

What do you think? Click here to read the full article.

We have all been over to a friend’s house and heard them talking to their kids. At times we might have questioned why some of our friends were saying certain things to their children. We might have even played out the scenario in our heads, changing the way the dialogue went. But how do we know if what we are saying to kids or intend to say to them, is right or wrong?

We came across this great blog post by Shelly Phillips. In the post, she lists common phrases that should never be said to a child, and has her alternatives to use instead. Are we thinking way too much into this, or does what she say have some validity? Below are a few of the phrases she recommends not saying to your child.

“Good job!”

The biggest problem with this statement is that it’s often said repeatedly and for things a child hasn’t really put any effort into. This teaches children that anything is a “good job” when mom and dad say so (and only when mom and dad say so).P

Instead try, “You really tried hard on that!” By focusing on a child’s effort, we’re teaching her that the effort is more important than the results. This teaches children to be more persistent when they’re attempting a difficult task and to see failure as just another step toward success.P

“Good boy (or girl)!”

This statement, while said with good intentions, actually has the opposite effect you’re hoping for. Most parents say this as a way to boost a child’s self-esteem. Unfortunately, it has quite a different effect. When children hear “good girl!” after performing a task you’ve asked them for, they assume that they’re only “good” because they’ve done what you’ve asked. That sets up a scenario in which children can become afraid of losing their status as a “good kid” and their motivation to cooperate becomes all about receiving the positive feedback they’re hoping for.P

Instead, try “I appreciate it so much when you cooperate!” This gives children real information about what you’re wanting and how their behavior impacts your experience. You can even take your feelings out of it entirely and say something like, “I saw you share your toy with your friend.” This allows your child to decide for himself whether sharing is “good” and lets him choose to repeat the action from his internal motivation, rather than doing it just to please you.P

“What a beautiful picture!”

When we put our evaluations and judgments onto a child’s artwork, it actually robs them of the opportunity to judge and evaluate their own work.P

Instead try, “I see red, blue and yellow! Can you tell me about your picture?” By making an observation, rather than offering an evaluation, you’re allowing your child to decide if the picture is beautiful or not, maybe she intended it to be a scary picture. And by asking her to tell you about it, you’re inviting her to begin to evaluate her own work and share her intent, skills that will serve her creativity as she matures and grows into the artist she is.P

“Stop it right now, or else!”

Threatening a child is almost never a good idea. First of all, you’re teaching them a skill you don’t really want them to have: the ability to use brute force or superior cunning to get what they want, even when the other person isn’t willing to cooperate. Secondly, you’re putting yourself in an awkward position in which you either have to follow through on your threats—exacting a punishment you threatened in the heat of your anger—or you can back down, teaching your child that your threats are meaningless. Either way, you’re not getting the result you want and you’re damaging your connection with your child.P

While it can be difficult to resist the urge to threaten, try sharing vulnerably and redirecting to something more appropriate instead.“It’s NOT OK to hit your brother. I’m worried that he will get hurt, or he’ll retaliate and hurt you. If you’d like something to hit, you may hit a pillow, the couch or the bed.” By offering an alternative that is safer yet still allows the child to express her feelings you’re validating her emotions even as you set a clear boundary for her behavior. This will ultimately lead to better self-control and emotional wellbeing for your child.P

“Don’t cry.”

Being with your child’s tears isn’t always easy. But when we say things like, “Don’t cry,” we’re invalidating their feelings and telling them that their tears are unacceptable. This causes kids to learn to stuff their emotions, which can ultimately lead to more explosive emotional outbursts.P

Try holding space for your child as he cries. Say things like, “It’s OK to cry. Everyone needs to cry sometimes. I’ll be right here to listen to you.” You might even try verbalizing the feelings your child might be having, “You’re really disappointed that we can’t go to the park right now, huh?” This can help your child understand his feelings and learn to verbalize them sooner than he might otherwise. And by encouraging his emotional expression, you’re helping him learn to regulate his emotions, which is a crucial skill that will serve him throughout life.

We all know that a family can come in many different forms. There is no true singular definition for what “family” means, and as our world is changing and embracing differences, it’s great to read stories of modern families. In a recent interview with CNN, Dan Bucatinsky, the 47-year old actor, producer and author, who most recently won an Emmy for a guest role on ABC’s “Scandal,” the actor opens up about finding his “inner mommy” when it comes to raising his two young children.

Bucatinsky, who plays a gay dad on TV, is also a gay dad in real life. Together with his husband, Don Roos, the pair are fathers to Eliza and Jonah. Within the interview, Bucatinsky opens up about how the definition of “family” is evolving. He also wrote a book on the road to becoming a family in his memoir, “Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad.”

CNN is even reaching out to same-sex parents in hopes to highlight creative ways in which they address their parenting roles. A portion of the interview is below. For the full interview, click here.

CNN: When you were growing up and coming to terms with being gay, did it ever cross your mind that you might someday be a father?

Dan Bucatinsky: It wasn’t something that I dared to aspire to. I lived a lot of years in denial. I spent a lot of my teen years promising myself that if it turned out to be true, that I would kill myself. I’m really glad that I didn’t fulfill that promise.

Even early in my 20s when I came out of the closet, I wasn’t really thinking about marriage. I focused on my career, and I didn’t have a clear picture of my future as being in a relationship, having kids and having a domestic life. By 27, I was settling down, and it became clearer to me that it was something I was subconsciously craving.

I was so envious of the gay men I’d meet who wore wedding rings. I remember feeling some kind of pang in my mid-to-late 20s. Maybe it was too painful to really picture. I felt like it wasn’t in my cards. I met Don when I was 27, and we didn’t have kids until I was 40. For 12 years we talked about it, but not seriously, until the last five years. I didn’t believe it was possible, so now, when I think about it, it’s just surreal.

CNN: When you talk to young, gay men about parenthood now, do their expectations differ from that?

Bucatinsky: It’s amazing how different it is now to talk to someone who is exactly my age when I met Don — a 27-year-old out, gay man (who has probably been out since he was 15). It’s a foregone conclusion that if they want it, marriage and kids could be in their future. Parents used to say, “I love you just the same that you’re gay, but it’s such a sad, lonely life,” but that can’t be said anymore.

CNN: When parenthood was finally happening for you and your husband, did you worry about not having a blueprint for it?

Bucatinsky: While we were expecting Eliza, I was in such shock and denial that it was really happening. It didn’t occur to me what would happen when we took that baby home. I didn’t really think it through. Nor did my spouse and I have long enough discussions about our parenting styles. We have subsequently discovered our differences, which hopefully leads to a little yin and yang with the kids.

There were parents that to me were just the ideal. Many of them were straight moms who have just been great, supporting, warm, funny and tough, at least in my perception of them. I’m sure they all had their own bouts of self-doubt. They became my role models, and I hoped I could be as good as them; their kids turned out so great.

CNN: Is motherhood necessarily tied to femininity?

Dan Bucatinsky: It’s not. What I discovered inside me that I didn’t realize was there, was mommyness. But by definition of the fact that I’m not a mommy, if I’m finding qualities that I’m describing as “mommyness” then why do I have to attach a gender to them? Why can’t we move to a time where “parent” is an umbrella term that encapsulates a lot of things: discipline, nurturing, sustenance, support and boundaries?

When you’re a gay dad, you get the question, “Which one of you is the mom?” I used to get offended by it, but now I just answer: I am. If you’re asking me in the way that I’m using the term “mom” loosely, then yes, I have fallen into those more mommyish kinds of roles. Don has fallen more into the daddyish roles, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t do bath time. But straight parents, too, any modern dad now is doing the same kinds of things. It doesn’t really have to do with gay or straight anymore.

Some parents at times feel lost and helpless when trying to come up with the right decisions when parenting at home. At times, it’s due to their own fears and inhibitions. When this occurs, it’s typical for children to take advantage of the situation and a role-reversal tends to take place. A new book, Who Runs Your House: The Kids or You?, helps put a stop to this and teaches parents the importance of taking control over the household and how to properly keep their children on the right path.

We all know or have seen parents that are controlled by their children. It’s easy to judge, but what guarantees you that your parenting style will afford you a different relationship with your children? Everyone is different and each child is unique, but studying up and taking tips from different sources can help lead parents or soon to be parents in the right direction.

More on the book here and below:

“Our children are beautiful active little people and we sometimes experience diffi culties when their stubbornness or their behaviour leaves us confused. When our children will not listen to us, they behave in a manner we feel is not appropriate or they may act out with anger or tantrums at the worst possible times, what are we suppose to do?” -Karen Phillip
• Are you experiencing regular tantrums from your child?
• Do you argue about behaviours?
• Do you feel your child does not listen to you?
• Is there a problem with your child going to bed or staying in bed?

Parents can easily learn to get their power back, to run their house the way they believe is right for them and their children.

This book can be used as a simple guide to assist you to make the right rules and boundaries for your children and have them followed. It will help you to guide your children toward better behaviours without too much confl ict. By using these suggestions you can communicate better with both your partner and children to achieve the outcome you require.

You run the house, not the children. Get back your control and power easily with little effort both within the home and when out. Follow these suggestions for a happier, life that will be more fulfi lling, enjoyable, and fun.

Single parenting by choice isn’t just about women. There are a lot of men out there who are also ready to be parents and who are not in a relationship. We have all heard about a woman’s biological clock ticking away, leading them to craving a child, but apparently, some men also hear their clock ticking away. Can we blame them? Parenting is not for everyone, but for those who do want to raise a child, age can be a major factor.

For those who are willing to embark on the journey of parenthood alone, adoption is not always the answer. Different state laws can delay the process and at times, single parents, especially men, are not considered high-priority on the list of wannabe parents. A new MailOnline feature article discusses how some men are spending upwards of $150,000 on surrogacy procedures to become fathers. Some fascinating quotes pulled from the article are below.

‘They say they’ve always wanted to be a dad, they haven’t found a partner that they want to start a family with, they’re getting older and just don’t want to wait – the same things single women say,’ said Madeline Feingold, an Oakland, California, psychologist who has done extensive counseling related to surrogacy.

By the time the process is done, the aspiring father’s commitment is usually apparent, said Denise Bierly, a State College, Pennsylvania, attorney specializing in adoption and surrogacy law, ‘With men especially, the process gets so well thought through,’ she said. ‘They go into this having talked about it with their friends, relatives. There’s nothing spontaneous about it.’

‘Fathers on average are more involved in their children’s lives’ than in the past, said University of Florida sociologist William Marsiglio. ‘More fathers are identifying parenthood as a key dimension of who they want to be – not just being bread winner, but providing nurturing and caregiving.’

Diane Ehrensaft, a clinical psychologist in Oakland, California, says it’s an outdated myth that men lack the inherent ability to be as nurturing a parent as women. ‘The lack of warmth, attention and affection is what causes harm to children,’ she said. ‘No gender has a corner on the market for those three things.’

We came across an article all about the importance of how a male figure interacts and plays with children, courtesy of a Disney owned site, Babble.com. The article is tailored towards father’s but since every family is different, we wanted to just put this out there for anyone to read and appreciate. Disney normally wouldn’t be the first place we would turn to for parenting tips or advice, but since there was a referenced study from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, we gave it a second read and found some fun points. When we post these “tips” or articles about parenting, our hope is not to convince you, teach you or tell you that this is the only way, but instead we hope to inform you, and hopefully inspire you in some way, shape or form. Most people reading our blogs are not parents yet, so these articles are truly meant to help paint a longterm perspective of what parenthood is all about. Read more about how male role figures interact differently with children below.

As fathers, we are built with unique gifts to offer our kids and, believe it or not, how we play with our children is one of them. Studies have shown that fathers play with their kids in ways different than their mothers, and the way fathers play can offer children lessons on behavior and important social skills. Rough-housing with the kids, a dad specialty, is not only good for giggles and laughs, but it gives kids an understanding of boundaries and self-control. They learn how far to take things, what’s “too far,” and how to manage their emotions. It’s in this playful spirit, this sense of adventure, that fathers contribute to their children’s well being.

That same sense of adventure is what challenges children to succeed, to take that extra step and venture into the unknown. The way we play with our kids encourages independence and pushes them to self-achievement. In fact, a 2001 study by the Department of Education showed that children with involved biological fathers were 43% more likely to get mostly A’s in school! How’s that for a positive impact? Read more here.

Not everyone can be a stay at home parent. For most, it’s just not financially feasible. And others, just don’t want to do it. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s perfectly normal to work full time and still manage to raise a baby, regardless of what a certain small population of people might tell you. But don’t let them make you fee bad for a decision that you decide to make when raising your family, or considering how to raise your family.

That being said, if you do decide that you can’t be at home full time, it’s possible you might feel like you are missing out. It’s normal, and these feelings or anxieties are shared among other working parents. Below are some tips geared towards working moms, but can be applied to working parents, as nowadays, we all know that families come in many different forms. (sheknows.com)

Remember that quality matters

You might not have as many hours in the day with your kids as other moms do, but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect with your children in a positive, meaningful way. Remember that it’s quality (not quantity) that counts.

• Unplug. Seriously — turn off your phone, step away from your computer and enjoy your evenings with your kids. Giving your child your full attention is very important for bonding.
• Hug. Every child, no matter how old, needs a mama’s touch. Whether you have toddlers, teens or kids in between, spend some time every day getting close.
• Listen. Let your kids do the talking when you are with them. Whether your teen is venting about a teacher at school or your preschooler is telling you about dragons and dinosaurs, take the time to listen.

It seems like each time we turn on the television or go online, there is a new parenting study telling us that one thing is better than the other or that something we are doing is most likely going to have some sort of impact on someone or something. So are we supposed to live our lives and and or keep adjusting them each time a new study is released? The majority of these studies are coming from reputable sources, but where do you draw the line with too much advice? Generations before us raised kids and although they most likely had similar studies catered to their time era, the vast majority of adults turned out just fine, whether studies were followed or not. So it’s truly up to every parent. You can either listen to every study and live in a world of constant conformity that will most likely be high stress since parenting studies often contradict themselves, or you can pick and choose from all the advice and just raise your child the way in which you feel is best. There’s a humorous blog that dives into the issue of parenting studies a bit further. Below is a preview.

Back when I was a kid, there were no studies deploring the “questionable” parenting tactics of mothers (and to a lesser extent, fathers) who found a variety of uneducational ways to occupy their kids for short periods of time so they could get things done.  But today, it seems, no parenting decision is safe from the watchful eye of the parent police.  And now, a recent study by couponcodes4you.com (which, by the way, is a money saving website, not a parenting authority) concludes disapprovingly that many of us are using tablets and smart phones to keep our kids entertained and occupied.

Read the entire blog here.

Reports in the UK show that dads are using technology in order to bond with their children. Some are even finding unique ways of parenting by using mobile phones or tablets. Is this the next generation of parenting? Would you use your tablet or mobile phone to spend quality time with your kid?

According to the report, just under a quarter of dads surveyed in the UK said that they use their tablet to play games with their children in order to bond. One in ten said they would watch Youtube videos together with their children and that they consider that to be spending quality time with one another.

Moms on the other hand prefer the traditional texting method of communication. Almost half of the parents said they have pretended to call the police on their phones to stop their children from acting up. Some even go as far as filming their children’s tantrums and then showing it back to their kids.

With technology at our fingertips, maybe it’s better to embrace the new resources? At least now, helping kids with homework has become much easier do to massive search engines like Google!

Joe Parker, Director of Online at Three, who conducted the research, says, “British families and dads in particular have embraced mobile technology in a bid to facilitate everyday Parenting. From being able to connect to your child at the touch of a button, to helping to answer difficult questions and taking photos to share with friends and family both here and abroad.

“Our research has also found that the mobile internet is allowing parents across the UK to boast about their child’s talent. One in 10 dads has posted a funny video of their child to YouTube in the hope that it will go viral like ‘Charlie Bit My Finger’. Being a fan of the silly stuff, we’re hoping to see more mini YouTube sensations making it big thanks to their digital savvy dads and mums.”

Read more: http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/parenting/parenting-news-dads-are-using-technology-to-bond-with-their-kids-297743.html#ixzz2WwkLxQud