R&B Singer Monica Gives Co-Parenting Advice

Co-parenting has often been a term used in connection with divorce. Although we refer to what we do as parenting partnerships, the truth is, we can learn a lot from those who are co-parenting as a result of a divorce. A lot of the same principles apply. Anyone considering a parenting partnership should do as much research as possible and you could be surprised where useful tips and information can come from.

R&B singer Monica who has a new web series, “Living the Life,” which is all about her blended family, opened up to ClutchMagOnline.com about her family and explained her 5 steps to building effective co-parenting friendships. Below are her 5 steps that also could potentially apply to two people entering a parenting partnership.

Keep your feelings about each other out of your kids’ hearts and heads.

No matter how angry, betrayed, or bitter you may still feel, if you can’t put a lid on it in front of the kids – failure as co-parents is inevitable. Co-parenting requires maturity, grace and stamina. Find an appropriate outlet for your unresolved feelings. Talking to your ex about the kids simply cannot become your time to vent.

Carrots work better than sticks.

Maintain respect for your ex – this person is your kids’ other parent. Even if the other co-parent’s involvement is minimal, your kids benefit from this contact. Praise for the other parent’s efforts is a strong predictor of co-parenting success.

Keep the lines of communication open.

Communication lies at the heart of any relationship. If your marriage or relationship suffered from a lack of communication, resolve – for the kids’ sake – to find a way to communicate. Technology is a handy solution  – if you prefer not to meet in person or chat on the cell. Find the tools – and the commitment – by which respectful communication takes place.

Allow for change and scary feelings.

Your agreement to co-parent represents yet another change – on top of the huge change everyone experienced when you divorced or separated. It’s okay to feel scared because it signals that you recognize your kids’ futures are at stake. Co-parenting is a formidable challenge – and – realistically – why would you not feel just a bit scared?

Talk and listen to your kids.

Your kids will want to know the nuts and bolts of the new parenting arrangement. Little kids, for example, will want to know where Santa Claus will visit. Or how the Tooth Fairy will find them. Older kids will want to know if friends can visit at both homes – and if they’ll need to change schools. Don’t expect every last detail to get ironed out immediately. Encourage your kids to share their concerns and questions with both of you. Family meetings are ideal – if you can swing it – so everyone gets the opportunity to be heard.