Are You Ready For “The Talk”?

Friday December 14^th 2012 will forever live in the souls of all Americans, particularly American parents, as a day of terror, shame and heartbreak.  The Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings were an unconscionable reminder of how the unexpected can change everything.  On a very personal note, I spent that day alternately weeping and hugging my three-year-old son.  I was emotionally drained.  Later that night, I thought that I was coming down with the flu as I had a fever, was coughing a lot and my whole body ached.  Little did I know that I was headed for an unexpected emergency hospitalization that would change my life.

My husband of 23 years and I had foresight to do all of our estate planning many years ago.  We updated our documents at the birth of our son and we travel with everything a non-traditional family needs to “be safe” in areas of the country that do not recognize us as a family.  While my particular relationship may, or may not, compare directly to that of a co-parenting couple, the value of careful estate planning is essential to everyone, especially if there are children involved.

When we were waiting in the hospital for a doctor to explain exactly what was going on, up until that moment, we only knew that I had an attack of diverticulitis, we were not ready for what happened.  A young intern walked into the room and his first words were, “You know this is really bad, don’t you?”  I looked at my husband, who was beginning to tear up, then back at the doctor and said simply, “no, I didn’t.”

He explained that I had multiple perforations of the colon and that my abdomen was infected.  I had a 70% chance of needing emergency surgery and there were many risks involved.  He then left the room.  His need for a lesson in bedside manner aside, my husband and I proceeded to have, “the talk.”

The insurance documents are in a folder in the closet.  The bank account information is in a secured document on the computer.  Call our financial planner when you get it together.  I don’t care about having a viewing.  The first people to contact in case I don’t make it are…  I went from a normal day in my life to “the talk” in a heartbeat and I am here to say that if we did not have our estate planning “ducks in a row,” it would have been the worst “talk” of my life.

As an addendum, I am on the mend and have been slowly, but surely, healing, thanks to the love and support of friends and family.  But when I didn’t know if I was going to make it or not, I couldn’t help but think of the absolute vulnerability of life, as exemplified by the 26 lives that were lost in Newtown Connecticut on December 14^th 2012.  When it comes to your children, there is nothing that should stand in the way of making sure that they are provided for just in case the unexpected actually happens.